I'm still thinking about the columnist, V, and the way he/she uses humor to avoid the heart of the matter: why he/she won't put time and attention into the project that keeps calling him/her, that he/she obsesses over.
Afraid of success? I asked him. Which is when he went on and on about not being afraid of failure.
I liked V so much, found him/her funny and bright--but worried, beneath it all, that life is slipping him/her by and there's still that project, calling for attention, being ignored. And how many more years will pass with the project still on the shelf? There but not there.
Is confidence the problem? Maybe V has utter confidence in his/her column-writing abilities but this other thing, the screenplay, the novel...what if? What if he/she worked on it, and it stunk?
In my current Inner Game class at UCI, I have a student I shall call Sue. During introductions the first night, she said she was "just a mom." She felt everyone else was so beyond her.
At the start of the second class, she said she almost didn't return, so inadequate she felt.
Tonight, at the break, she left. Her spot was glaringly empty.
After class, another student, Sara, and I walked out together. She said she had really liked what Sue had written that first night and that it was too bad Sue felt so awful about where she perceived herself to be, writing-wise.
We so get in our own way. We all do it. What a waste.
I hope Sue returns next week.